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Double EntendreReporter1: (sounding suspiciously like Rik Mayall with a dubious French accent) The following is a recording of Den Dennis, recorded in Paris at a press conference the morning after the disastrous Paris Hippodrome gig. Den: Hello. Hel... hello. Rep 1: Er, what... you have a new album out. Den: What? Rep 1: You have album out. You have your album out at the moment. Den: What?.... What's he talking about? Rep 1: Your album is out. Erm... Rep 2: (sounding like Adrian Edmondson with another dubious French accent) Your, er, your disc... Rep 1: You've got it out. (Laughter breaks out.) Rep 1: Is it, er, is it going to be big now it's out? Or, er, would you think it will just flop? (The laughter continues throughout the rest of the sketch.) Rep 1: How, er... Rep 2: What he's saying is... Rep 1: How many cuts are there on the, er, on it? You have cut a lot on it? Rep 2: Are we going to see both sides once it is out? Rep 1: And is there a hole in the middle? (More laughter.) Rep 1: And, er, when it's in its sleeve... Den: (quietly) Fuckin' hell! Rep 1: Let me put it another way... do you, um... are you proud of it? Now it's out? Or do you... everybody is laughing at it, you know? The papers, they are saying, oh, it's... Rep 2: It's not big. Rep 1: It's not what we expected, we wanted more from Bad News, you know, but it's the same old thing coming out again. Den: Oh, you can have more! Do you want some more? Rep 3: (sounding surprisingly like Peter Richardson with a dubious French accent) You are the sexy one of the band... Den: Yeah, that's right, yeah. Rep 3: I understand the women really go for you in a big way. Den: Do they? Rep 3: I read this in English papers... Den: English papers? Rep 3: ...that you do crazy things on stage. Den: Oh, yeah. Rep 1: You are Colin Grigson? Den: ...No, I'm not Colin Grigson, I'm Den Dennis. Rep 1: Oh! Den: Den Dennis! Rep 3: That's right, Den Dennis is a big cult... Den: Big cock? Rep 3: Cult! You are a cult! Rep 1: Everybody says you are a cult. Rep 3: They called you a cult... Rep 1: Now you are here in France we all think you're a cult, but we already know in England you are a very big cult. Den: Fuck off! Rep 3: There are a lot of stupid cults around. Rep 1: Yes. There are a lot of cults in America, you know. They have religious cults over there. Den: Do they? Rep 1: Yes. Rep 3: The president is like a cult. Rep 1: Oh, he's a cult figure. That means he looks like a big cult. Everybody says, "Look at the big cult! What a cult the president is!" Rep 2: "Let's vote for him." Rep 1: "I always vote for my favourite biggest cult." Den: Do you think that's why Mrs Thatcher is... Rep 3: In France, if you are a cult, you don't... Rep 1: If the Conservative party is a cult, then the whole left wing of them, they are wet cults. (Laughter.) Den: What about Culture Club? Sound funny if it was "Cunture Club", wouldn't it? (Pause.) Rep 1: .....Yes. Rep 3: Yes. Rep 2: It certainly would. |